TBH: Making wreaths, cross stitch, pottery, calligraphy… what does your chosen pandemic profession say about you?

Felting is a craft for people who like to get hurt and can never make up their minds on a desert island dog breed even though they think about it a lot. Cross stitch is ideal for once gifted children, now neurotic adults. It’s rewarding in that you can create something that looks exactly like the image you’re copying.

You don’t have to be artistic to thrive in cross stitch, just stubborn. In a world of chaos, waiting against reality, cross stitch is a balm for the soul. It is practical and thorough. It is a job well done. Embroidery is a cross stitch for people who are not afraid to dance in public. Buying items for new jobs is a completely separate job.

When you want to completely reinvent yourself, try engraving. Lino is cool because you can use tools. Everything seems leftist in linoleum. (I don’t make the rules). Making sea glass jewelry is amazing, but where does all sea glass jewelry end up?

Floristry is a brilliant pastime for the genre of woman who enjoys wearing barely veiled period costumes at home and has been trying to nail a milkmaid braid for years. Get a bunch of pastel colored anemones and do photo ops of and with them every night at the golden hour. Repaint sections of wall that receive good light for the backdrops. People always die and leave good vessels.

Did you know that you can basically make a wreath for any occasion? Christmas, Easter, vaccinations, canceled marriages. Once you create one, you will need to send a photo of it to each WhatsApp group you belong to. It will be absolutely spectacular. You will put it online. You won’t have a choice. Gurl, you just made a crowned.

Pottery is a lot like sex – as everyone who does it feels like the first person in the world to have discovered it.

Novice potters of all ages are distinguished by that kind of enraged adolescent energy, exalted smugness. With shining eyes, they tumble down the street and look at the ordinary people walking in their ordinary way and they think, “Don’t these people know?”

Eventually there is no more room for the jars and more people to give them to and you stop. For the rest of your life, you’ll be charmed by ugly handmade ceramics for sale.

People forget it was the butcher, the baker and the candlestick maker. Candle making is a proper and honest profession – just as alpha as chopping up huge carcasses of meat.

Candles are essential: there will always be dark. Toxic masculinity can usually tolerate candle-making, perhaps because of the proximity to fire.

My friend was going to make candles, but a thief mistook the big bag of soy wax flakes for drugs out the back door window and that’s it.

How many scarves can a beginner knitter knit? This record is broken every day. I can’t help but think of all the scarves of those who started dreaming in stitches, who, amazed by these new powers of creation, made scarf after scarf after scarf and maybe a snood. I think of them when I watch penguin documentaries.

People who knit rarely make pom poms. Pom-pom-making is a different hobby. Crochet is a separate hobby, apparently.

Write curse words in modern calligraphy. Painting of beautiful antique furniture in gray. Make reusable beeswax paper that never feels clean. Putting breasts on crafts is a separate interest. Gem-art. Macrame. The devil makes idle hands work.

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Nell Love

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